Yogi Bhajan, A Thirst for the Worst

Sat Bachan Kaur and Harijiwan SinghThe Siri Singh Sahib, Yogi Bhajan used to say, “The worst you are, the easier it is to follow spirituality.” At first it kind of freaked me out. I thought it meant that if I wanted to be best, I had to probably admit to myself, and to the world, that I’m also the worst. Well it turned out that it true,but there’s much more but it’s a tough one to conquer. His teaching taught me how to work this magic on myself. Please, let me explain.

I began to understand that the worst of me means to no longer to be feared. This awareness allowed me to practice incorporating this way of thinking into my belief system. One-pointedness is the key to progress. My Kundalini Yoga practice greatly aided me in creating the necessary focus. I came very good in it getting what I wanted. But, then is saw that I wanted d to do more than just understand. I wanted to be the understanding. What next?

Self-judgement is a constant companion and creates fear. It’s necessary and part of the process. If you’re advancing, you’ll constantly be facing the “wall of limited self-esteem.” After a while, you get used to it and it doesn’t freak you out again and again. This leads to a trust, an integration, of a process which can get you out of limited self-esteem. Once again, the answer lies in the teachings of our teacher, our Guru, and our God.

The answer lies in the awareness that you are no longer the judge of whether or not you are qualified for such grace, you are just grateful that you’ve been blessed to no longer worry about being ‘the worst.” Your worthiness is no longer your doing. The “limited wall of self-esteem” is climbed through the relaxation that whatever God wants you to be, shall be, whether you agree with it or not. Whatever is seen in advance is no longer inhibited by worthiness or lack thereof. If Guru ji wants to bless me, I am now able to get out of my own way. I can now bring on the full me, best and worst, fearlessly.

When this way of thinking is integrated into your ‘trust factor,’ your opinion of yourself no longer matters. Admitting to your self that you are also ‘the worst’ becomes understood in another context, in an elevated perspective. This leads to an understanding that any blessings bestowed must be at least paid for through gratitude for what’s been give and who is giving. This gratitude turns to devotion, devotion to that which has blessed you. So, you could say, devotion is deeper gratitude. At least that’s what I say.

We’re not done yet. More and more sincere devotion leads to love. The love between the giver of grace, and the so-blessed. A love so pure that no advantage is sought, just continued giving. A love in service to the truth as we’ve been taught. A love of the awareness that this love is Infinite. A love that is so real that all dreams are satisfied. A love in experience that’s as much as you can take. Again, the focus on relaxation is the key.

We’re still not done. What more can there be except love. Every religion, every true anything promotes it. And, it is true, I believe it to be so. My teacher taught love, my Guru ji verified it , and my God endorsed divine love. My Guru says that love is the highest spiritual virtue. Naturally, I believe this. Nevertheless, I’ve been taught additionally.

Eventually, love turns into merger. Not merger as you think it to be. But, merger in the same way of thinking. That’s it right there. Love turns into a deeper and deeper amalgamation until you and your teacher, your Guru, your God become one. One in your thinking, one in trust, and one in service to the same path of Infinity. You remain yourself, but you carry around the true virtues of your teacher, your Guru, and your God. Less and less fear, and more and more love pervade your consciousness.

This transition is not an instant gratification deal. It’s a slow, gradual, progression into deeper and deeper identity, until, your process may differ, but your values merge. As the Siri Singh Sahib, Yogi Bhajan used to say, IN GOD I DWELL.”

You love your teacher’s purity so much that nothing can destroy your love for his way, until his way becomes your way. Then, you and this way of thinking merge. This thinking is where you dwell. Merger fills in the gaps, gaps of things still left unresolved. When life is lived in a truly relaxed mode, recognition of ‘the worst’ of me becomes an advantage.

When the worst of me is acknowledged and enjoyed, life has no fear. A fearless life is the only way to enjoy this life completely. Acknowledging ‘my worst’ brings up the experience of fearlessness. Life is enjoyed deeper and deeper. Acknowledging ‘the worst’ accelerates seeing the best. Acknowledging ‘the worst’ creates a vacuum and then, as polarity, greatness is clearly seen. It’s the perfect blessing of balance and reward, it’s a spiritual “carrot and stick” routine.

Here’s what I’ve learned. Life’s a progression. If lived consciously, changes happen. If good changes happen, old habits become ‘the worst.’ That’s a good thing. ‘The worst’ only stands to remind us of how grateful we are to have moved from ‘our worst ‘positions. We can now see them in the proper perspective. ‘Our worst’ is no longer our identity. Yes, it may pop it’s ugly head up once in a while, but that’s just like sneaking up on someone and saying boo. Everyone will jump. Recovery, a transmission, an elevator is the difference maker. He who transitions in an elevated manner out of the boo state is the one with deeper virtues. Even though we may get shocked into reaction once in a while, we are no longer our old habits. We are no longer ‘our worst’, and, through Guru’s grace, ‘our worst’ holds no power or guilt over us anymore. We are fearless and free.

This perspective can be visited during meditation. It’s and uplifting and throughly enjoyable consciousness experience of fearlessness, confidence and relaxation. But, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. When this view is counterbalanced as you open your eyes from meditation and carry it with you throughout the day that this perspective becomes integrated into your life in a perpetual synergistic experience of merger into completeness. When this view is carried from the depths of your nectar morning meditations and on into the simple and habitual and miraculous and frustrating and boring and uplifting and frightening and emabahrasing and worst and holy every moments of your life, that this perspective becomes integrated into your life in a perpetual experience of total worthiness.

Seeing ‘the worst' in me has given me the best view of me as well. And, here’s the best part: ‘My worst’ and ‘my best’ are up to He who created me. I have no claim, no game, no gain, and, mostly, no shame about it. My destiny is no longer in my hands - thank God. ‘The worst’ had become ‘the best’ through the deliverance of our teacher’s teachings. ‘The best’ is that he delivered what he promised: a carefree, prosperous, fulfilled life as a gift from Above for service rendered.

Please understand. I say these things not as a way of aggrandizing myself, at least I pray is be so. I share my experiences in the prayer that generations who follow will be given the confidence to keep up through all the hard times that are inevitable on a spiritual path. My prayer is that some will gain confidence in the sacrifice necessary in this Dharma. I pray that generations share my joy in living fearlessly. I pray that if I can be of any help in providing hope and confidence to keep-up on this path, that I provide you with this help. I pray that I follow His will and not my own. I pray that ‘the worst’ of me continues to be protected by Guru ji. I pray that your life be turned into fulfillment. I pray that your life be lived confidently, relaxed, and fearlessly. Stay tuned,

In the Humility of Service and Gratitude,
MSS Hari Jiwan Singh Khalsa
Chief of Protocol
Sangat Representative